Going back...to understand why I left

I don't post here often enough and my laziness is the only one to blame. I just don't like my layout anymore, would like something darker, more mature...I'm just not good at making layouts anymore. So here's a little update anyways!

Korea

One week ago, I went back to Korea for the first time in two years. I was very excited to go back to a place where I lived for 4 years. I thought of all the friends I would see, the food I would eat. Of course, most of my memories were coloured with anecdotes and things of the past...things that just aren't there anymore. It felt as if I had just left yesterday, that everything was the same, but I didn't feel the same. I realized that there is crap I put up with back then that I just couldn't put up with anymore...Don't get me wrong, I love Korea and Seoul is my second home, but I just came to the conclusion that leaving in 2010 was a good decision. 

First, being treated as a foreigner before being treated as a person really can get on your nerves after a while. When you lived there 4 years, having people repeating "you eat spicy food so well, can you handle chopsticks?, are you an english teacher?" really annoyed me. Second, my dream job is to act and this isn't something I would have been able to achieve in Korea. As much as I would love to be part of a great piece of film in Korea one day, I just know roles for foreigners, especially women, just aren't great...never have I seen a white woman speak fluent korean in a film or tv show and not act as a token foreigner. I guess, in many years, it might happen...that would be so great, but I can always dream haha. I couldn't just stay and wait for it to happen. Also, I just have too much respect for myself to just play something that degrades the image of white women in a country where a lot of people still think negatively of us. So instead of staying in Seoul and be on random tv shows just to entertain people with my "foreign-ness" or become a disgruntle english teacher (I HATE teaching) I thought it is probably better for me to go back...

Going back, I realized that I have made the right choice. I guess I'm lucky to have made the trip and come to this realization. Plus, here in Canada when I say I'm 27 people don't ask me right away why I don't get marry or have kids. 

I still wish to, one day, be able to work a little bit in Korea. Like, go for a few months, work on something, then come back. Seoul is just so alive and the food is good. The people are always willing to serve you and treat you like the best customer (except for taxi drivers...). Some of my very good friends are staying there and have a successful life. I guess we all have different destinies (I don't really believe in destiny lol) but I do not believe that because I went there and didn't make it, that it is a failure. Very often I get these questions "why did you leave? Girls from the tv show are on tv a lot, why don't you do it too?" but answering them would be way too long. The answer "I want to be appreciated for something I do, some piece of art, not just because I was born with blond hair and white skin" is too long and would just be dismissed anyways. 

This post looks more like a diary, but I guess being on an airplane for 13 hours really makes you think. 

Because it's summer - 팥빙수

Winter Shopping

I'm still alive! This has been quite a busy fall; it went by so fast I can't believe we are already in 2012! Which brings me to: HAPPY NEW YEAR 2012!! May all the joy and love be with you and I hope you get a step further to your dreams. As for myself, I hope this year I will get to visit Korea and that I will learn even more about acting. I wish to grow as a person both professionally and emotionally. It requires a lot of work, but I'm sure I'll make it. During the last week, I worked a lot and have been fighting a cold which still holds on to me very strongly. Seeing family is fun, but sometimes it gets tiring! Now it's time to face the harsh Quebec winter and what better than a little shopping to cheer a girl up! Here is my "fashion post" à la shmuberry.com

Right after school ended, I went to the mall to finish my Christmas shopping. For fun, I entered a shop called Dynamite, just to take a look...I came out of there with a lot of nice looking pieces. I'm very picky when it comes to clothing so if I manage to find so many pieces that I like, I MUST buy them because it might not happen again soon. Dynamite is a Canadian company and mostly sells classy and trendy clothing and their customers are usually 20 and up, older than let's say H&M's clientele. 

**I don't own a tripod and I live alone so there was no one to take pictures of me. Thanks to my wardrobe mirror, I was able to take full body shots so it gives you an idea of the outfits. For some reason, I also look pissed on the pictures hehe

 The first piece on the left I wasn't really sure at first, I thought it would make me look old but I find it very cute, it has a little asian feel to it because of the kimono like belt. I'm wearing my good old skinny black jeans from UNIQLO, but I'm sure it would look good with leggings as well. The beige sparkly shirt isn't really my style, but I decided to give it a try. I really like the pink flower top on the right, and wore it for new year's eve at my mom's. 

For some reason, I really like black. It is flattering and since the colour isn't in your face, the details in the fabrics become very interesting. This little blouse is just so cute and flatters the body while the layered skirts gives it a little more playfulness. I wore that outfit for Christmas at my dad's. The middle dress was love at first sight. I wasn't sure if it would fit me well, but it was just hanging there, on special at 20$. Ok, I know it's not a common colour, but it's 60's feel just got my attention. The two front pockets and the big buttons on the back gives it a retro feel. All I need is knee high white boots. I know it's supposed to be a shapeless dress, but given my breast size shapeless dresses look like fat people booboo on me...so fitted is better. Lastly, the burgundy jeans. I needed other colours than blue and black and since I'm not confident enough to wear bright yellow jeans, there seemed like the perfect choice.

So here you go. That doesn't seem like a lot, but for me that's a good shopping spree. I'm sorry for the angry facial expressions, but that's actually my concentration face. 

Hope to write soon and continue my Misuda adventure posts and my Australia trip posts. I also want to have another layout...but that's all projects. So much to do...so much laziness on my part ;)

Have an awesome year!! 

Mixed bowl

So many things happened since the last time I posted...Did a lot happen? Well I definitely got busier.

   The Mac

It was time to say goodbye to my good old Toshiba laptop. I used the thing for 5 years and it was slowly dying. I can still use it but it is so slow and becomes hot after only a few minutes then crashes. I am now the proud owner of an iMac...which I am still learning to use. (not to mention the changes in blogger!)

  Acting School

It's been a dream of mine since I was very young but when I finished high school my mind wasn't there...I was obsessed with Japan and Korea and wasn't ready to enter an acting program. Last year I realized that I couldn't just let go of that dream and work hard to find an office job that I don't even want to start with. So I auditioned for two acting schools, the National Theatre School of Montreal and Dawson College. I didn't get into NTS (they pick 12 people out of like 800) but got into Dawson yay! I like it a lot and I'm learning so many things every day it's crazy. It isn't easy though because the average age of students is 18 and most of them are straight out of high school. At first I didn't feel comfortable, but now it doesn't really bother me and I tend to forget about the age difference. So I'll be there for 3 years, given, of course, that everything goes well. 

Korean grandmother make up and clothing ^^

 Minzy

My little kitty has been growing faster than I could imagine. She's as cute as ever and very healthy. 10 days ago she got sterilized so I had to make sure she would heal correctly. It was very stressful because she ripped off her stitches only after two days. That got me very nervous and I kept on imagining her insides coming out of her belly. Fortunately for me, my father's girlfriend is a vet and she reassured me and now Minzy is healing correctly. 

I will try to write part 4 of the Misuda adventure, it just takes me longer than a normal post because I go through my files, find the perfect pictures and try to structure the whole thing (I also ponder about what I can put and what I should censor...sad but true).

 Music

I'm very happy because on this Thursday I am going to see Evanescence. Yes, I hear you saying whatever you think about them, but I like their music and I WILL go. Also, in Kpop there has been some interesting new releases (many horrible ones too but they don't deserve our attention). One song I've been addicting too is "Sixth Sense" by the group Brown Eyed Girls. I think the song is powerful and doesn't use sexiness in vain. I'm not exactly sure what the song is about, even if I understand the lyrics, and there are many interpretations. That's the beauty of it I guess.

 I have ideas of posts I would love to do...one of them concerning the history of some Kpop groups. At first I wanted to make videos, but I doubt I will have enough time to work on that. Anyways, we'll see. Being busy is a blessing, because sitting and doing nothing gives too much times to think, and for me over thinking can be very dangerous. 

I'll be back soon! Promise! 

The “Misuda Adventure” Part 3

First Part

Second Part

This third part was long due and this time I won’t give you any bad excuse except that I’ve been very lazy hehe. Since my cat is now healthy I guess I can get back at writing!!

….

Life went back to normal and all I could look forward was to watch the show on TV. I had planned a trip to Sokcho, which is a coastal city on the east shore of Korea, with Vivian and Janelle, another Singapore friend. We decided that we would watch the show from the motel room in Sokcho. We woke up on the Saturday morning of chuseok and set the TV to KBS2. For the first time, I watched myself on TV for a whole hour. It was quite embarrassing. First of all, you could totally tell that I was nervous and that my Korean sucked. My friend Vivian was quite disappointed to see that all of her lines, except her presentation had been cut. We knew so little of show business we didn’t know what to expect. Still, we just laughed it off and told ourselves that probably very few people watched the show (oh dear…). It wasn’t THAT bad, but when you see yourself on camera or record your voice, aren’t you always the worst critic?

 A screen shot from the first show – Dancing backstage

After the show, I didn’t hear much about it. Of course no one would recognize me after only one show and I wasn’t expecting it either. I still wished for similar opportunities to come by though. Then, about 10 days later, I got another call from the writers of the show, basically saying “The show attracted a lot of attention, so much that we decided to make it a weekly show. Would you like to be part of it?” Of course I said yes right away and became very ecstatic. Not only would it mean that I would get to be in the studio every week, but it would also provide me with some financial support!

A few days later, we met up for some reunions and interviews. I don’t remember exactly how the preparation for the first show went on, but it did take a while; the first show wouldn’t air until the end of November 2006. We had to go through a photo shooting for the opening of the show and it’s promotion. If I had known that these pictures would haunt us for years to come…I would have tried to pose better. Still, I didn’t have the power over my outfit so…

 Love the smell of amateur posing

For months every time an article about me or the other girls would come out, they would use pictures from this photo shoot…Eva and I became very scared that they would use these pictures and when the writers would do it in the future, we could only start laughing. I bitch a lot about the pictures, but when I look at them I think it’s nice to see us so innocent, no idea about television fame, just really happy to be part of something bigger than us.

We shot the first show sometime in November, on a Saturday. The show was to be aired every Sunday morning around 11AM, if I remember correctly. Somehow, I have very few memories of the shooting of the first show. I know I preferred my clothes, but I think the fact that my Korean still wasn’t very fluent I had a hard time following, hence I can’t remember well what has been said and done. Plus, it’s been 5 years!! I remember that I said some lines that fell flat and for the first time I experienced the awful feeling of getting no reaction from the public. It’s very embarrassing but with time I learned to not take it personally and to just leave it behind and move on to another subject. Or just say things differently to get people’s attention. Storytelling skills really need to be learned through experience. Especially in a foreign language, you can’t tell a story the same way you do in your native language. It took me a while, but I know that my listening and my perseverance are what made me stay in the show for so long, because I could capture people’s attention with what I said, certainly not because I was the pretty one. Other girls had that role ; )

But I’m digressing. On that day, someone I really wanted to meet was in the panel.

I almost fell down the stairs before this picture so he had to catch me before I fell. It WASN’T on purpose!!

Yes, it is 김종민 Kim Jong Min from the group Koyote. I had watched him in variety shows online while I was in Canada and just loved his crazy personality. I was glad to meet him, but then realized that he is a stranger, just another human being, he doesn’t know me and even though I watched him on shows…I don’t have much to tell him. There’s no way to make a meeting with a celebrity NOT awkward. You either act too cool and look like a pretentious person who doesn’t care or you’re shy and laugh awkwardly. I think it’s because there is no socially established way to deal with these meetings. I took a lot of pictures with singers and actors during the first two years of the show and after a while we mostly all stopped doing it, unless it’s someone we REALLY wanted to meet. The novelty just wore off. I won’t post all the pictures I took with celebrities unless I have something interesting about it. I don’t want to write this blog about celebrity meetings teehee ^^

More importantly, I think the people I met behind the camera are what made this experience so memorable. I met awesome girls from all around the world and some very kind staff.

One of the writers with whom I became close

Of course, there were some people from the staff with whom I could never create a close bound, but that is the case with anyone in whatever social situation.

When the first show was a wrap, we already got prepared for the second show, but then things got complicated for me. Later that week I received a call telling me that I couldn’t take part in the show because of visa issues…I was very very very disappointed…

To be continued

Minzy

Blogging really isn’t as easy as it seems. I think I lack the discipline to do a blog. Or maybe if I had more readers ;) Anyhow, here I am and today I shall present you a new member of my family: Minzy.

 

This little kitten is almost 4 months old and she definitely stole my heart. I adopted her about two weeks ago. A friend of mine had another friend who found kittens in his backyard because the mother had abandoned them. I just happened to be looking for a kitty to adopt so the timing was perfect. I went to get her at their house and she was quite traumatised when I carried her all the way to my apartment. Once we got in, she looked around and tried to hide for a little while. I expected her to stay hidden for at least 2 or 3 hours, but as soon as my dad left the apartment, Minzy just came in my bedroom and decided to hang out around me while I was at the computer.

  She seemed to adapt to my place very quickly and I let her sleep with me from the first night. I soon realized how kittens are hyperactive. God…as soon as the sun came up she started to play in the bed, trying to wake me up. Brutal first days I must say.

My first day at work, I was very tensed at the idea of letting Minzy all alone but it also went well. Cats are very independent creatures but at this age they look so fragile and full of needs that I feel like a mother caring for a child. For a week it was all fine…Until last Friday. I woke up in the morning only to find out that she had peed in my bed. I found it weird since she had never done it and she used the litter box very often. I proceeded to wash my sheets but then she started to pee AGAIN on my bed, directly on the mattress *facepalm. I got very angry and thought she was being naughty. That’s when I made a connection with a behaviour she had had for a few days; every time she went in the litter box to pee, she would cry. As I didn’t know her I just thought it was her thing, but no, she was sick. I quickly called my dad and he spoke with his girlfriend, who happens to be a veterinarian, and also searched the web for information. Minzy happened to have many symptoms of a cystitis, which is a bladder infection. My dad came by and picked her up, so that she could be treated at the vet’s clinic. The day after it was confirmed that she had cystitis and that she would need two weeks of antibiotics.

When they brought Minzy back the day after, she seemed alright at first, but then I realized how sick she was. She kept on trying new places to pee: the floor, the mop, the mop bucket, the wires behind the TV!! I kept running around the apartment wiping off the pee. It made me very tired and exhausted. I was almost angry at her, even though she didn’t chose to be in this situation. Two days passed, and there wasn’t any amelioration. I started to panic and planned to bring her back to the vet. Fortunately, the antibiotics finally kicked in around yesterday. Although I won’t let her sleep with me (I had to wash my bed sheets so many times in the last 7 days I’m sick of it!) I can see she’s making progress. We’ll see how it goes…and I hope she stays healthy for many months and years to come!

Night creature

Is everyone enjoying summer? I can’t say that I am as I’m working a lot, but my body sure enjoys the warm weather. Somehow, summer really makes me more energetic and optimistic, which is why I always end up being very depressed around the autumn. It’s been about six weeks that I started my new job at a big chain hotel but it feels like I’ve been working there for much more than that. Doing that many hours, I got accustomed to the place and its people. Lately, I worked night shifts to learn the night auditor job in order to replace regular people when they go on vacation. To my own surprise, I find myself enjoying it. During night time you don’t have to speak to a lot of guests and just do some paper work so it’s less stressful. I’m not saying I don’t like talking to people, but doing 150 check-ins in a row can be very tiring.  Anyway, new job is okay and my brain is very working hard to absorb all the new information.

Another thing that’s been on my mind lately is the purchase of a new laptop. I love my little toshiba, but it’s now 5 years old. It gets hot easily, crashes once in a while, is slow and doesn’t have enough memory (100Gigs…yup..you can laugh). Now the question is…what do I buy? I was thinking about another PC but my dear friend shmuberry has been telling me about a mac…Since I like watching videos, creating things like websites, pictures and video footage, it would be the intelligent choice…but then, all these stories about incompatibility really scare me! What to do…what to do…

But the most and foremost thing that I must think about right now is me moving out of my apartment next week on Friday. I’ve already packed a lot of boxes but there is still a lot to do. I foresee many hours of boxing coming up…yay…but the good thing is that I go the day off to move! I can’t wait to unpack, redecorate and move on with life without thinking about boxing and all that.