Korea isn't a Kpop music video set

Lately, all around me and on the internet, there's been more and more people interested in Korea and in it's culture. That's just awesome, I feel like a hipster, because I knew Korea before it was mainstream and before the arrival of YouTube. Haha, just kidding...but seriously it is great. At the same time, I do feel as if too many are idolizing the country and it's culture as if it is something superior, then put all their energy into imitating their favourite singer or actor. I sometimes hear "I wish I were Korean" from white people and I find it a bit sad...I also went through that phase when I was around 19 years old but as it is a phase it passed. I had to travel all the way to Korea to realize many things, but I also got a lot of disappointment. This is why I wanted to write to all of you who will soon go or plan on going to Korea to study (because I can't really speak to those who go there for work, as I never worked for a korean company...)

How did you get to know Korea?
You better have the answer to that, because you will get asked this question a trillion times. I, like many others nowadays, was really into Kpop of the end of the 90's beginning 2000's. H.O.T, Shinhwa, Baby V.O.X, S.E.S, Boa, Fin.K.L...you name it. I had collections of music videos, posters in my room, ordered CDs from YesAsia...even learned korean to be able to sing the songs of my favourite singers at the local karaoke box. I even filmed myself dancing to their music, all dressed up. Recognize yourself? I'm sure you do, except that maybe instead of Kangta, Taemin is your fantasy. Here's the shocker: you'll have a hard time finding a korean of your age (university age range) who is this intense about the singers you like.

First reality check: in Korea, most people who collect stuff about their favourite singer, know all their birth date and go to Music Bank to see them perform are about 15 years old. Their obsession often comes from a lot of stress and these bands are a way to let go of the tension. Sure, many groups keep their fans for a long time (like Shinhwa...which I am still very fond of) but people in their twenties aren't the ones holding the balloons at concerts. Bummer right? I thought so too. I liked their singers so much, how could they not be more interested in them? They knew who I was talking about, but only knew the songs if they had been a success. Most of the friends I had were listening to american music on a daily basis, or independent singers from Korea who don't get to play on the radio. I'm not saying they don't like Kpop, but in general, it's just a normal thing, songs they hear on the radio...they won't go ballistic like we sometimes do and collect everything about one singer.

What I'm trying to get at is: it is hard to bond with a Korean person over simply your love for their music. They don't think too much about it because it's simply part of their own culture. Be sure though to know a few songs for your karaoke sessions! Still, if you go to karaoke with a mixed group of guys and girls, don't expect the guys to get excited when you start singing some FT Island.

Lastly...most korean clubs don't even play Kpop. I was also disappointed about that at first and I wonder if it has changed since. There are more and more tunes that can be used in clubs in Kpop nowadays, so maybe...

All this above just to say: you have to find a way to make friends with korean people by sharing a passion that isn't about their country but about something deeper than that...

Arts, sports, hobbies
When I first arrived at Yonsei University in 2006 I simply had no idea how I would be able to befriend Koreans. I figured, if I want to speak it well, I better hang out with people from here rather than hang out with other foreigners and never practice korean. At first, I did just that, and it is a normal thing to do. I made two very good friends from Singapore and we had a blast. Still, I was looking for an extra curricular activity at school and turned towards the clubs. The first clubs the school really encouraged us to join was the "Mentors Club". It sounds inviting but from personal experience it wasn't all that great. After a while and hearing from other people's experience, instead of becoming friends with the korean student you were paired with, you mostly ended up meeting them for language exchange...that isn't friendship, it's like work. I think that language exchange pure and simple is a waste of time. The moment two people agree to meet and talk so that they can learn each other's language, no real conversation take place. It's superficial and the person who struggles the most ends up teaching the other his or her language. In this case what often happens is that the foreign student knows very few korean, so the korean student just ends up practicing his or her english more than anything else. You didn't come to be an english teacher, get out of this relationship.

I sound harsh, but I guess it comes from living there and realizing that there are many things I wouldn't have done if I didn't move away from people when I felt it led to nothing. Also, there are way too many people in Korea who think because you are foreign, you will want to teach them english. I'm sorry, not interested, if they want language immersion, they shall go and live abroad. I worked hard to get to Korea, I wasn't going to waste this opportunity because teaching others english was easier than trying to learn their language myself.

That's when I decided to move on and try to find myself a club where I could do something I like. I first went to a Jazz club, then a dance club...but then fell on this Drama club from the engineering department who happened to be promoting their club in a little booklet. I sent an awkward text message to the number appearing on their website and got an answer. They were curious and also very uncomfortable but I went and told them I wanted to act with them. The first two months were awkward, my korean was short but I managed to understand what was going on. I didn't know they were going to become my own little korean family.

I think what made it work is that they barely treated me as a foreigner. We went out, drank and worked on scenes together. The activities we shared went beyond any cultural experience, it was real life, just people sharing the same passion regardless of their skin colour. Only then I believe you can really become friends with someone. On my side, I also asked for them to speak to me only in korean; you just can't be lazy. They became so important to me that I would always try to hang out with them and still today I keep in touch.

The moment where I felt like I had really integrated into their society was these little moments when we just all sat, drank together, and someone said something funny and we all just laughed. They didn't need to say "oh, this is korean humour", no, because there are things that are universal in life. Laughter, sadness, frustration, sickness... You won't become integrated because you can make kim chi or because you dye your hair black.

It's not about becoming korean, because that's impossible. Embrace who you are and share your passion with them and your joy will transcend language and culture.

I really got carried away there, but I speak from the bottom of my heart. Again, not saying you shouldn't learn about traditional stuff while you're there, but don't over do it. If you find real friends, you will learn much more about korean culture than any text book will ever teach you. So don't look for perfectly looking guys in skinny jeans who can dance like gods, because they won't be there for you when you feel homesick.

Live Korea the way it is presented to you, don't force the images you have of it on your experience.