12 July, 2012

Going back...to understand why I left

I don't post here often enough and my laziness is the only one to blame. I just don't like my layout anymore, would like something darker, more mature...I'm just not good at making layouts anymore. So here's a little update anyways!

Korea
One week ago, I went back to Korea for the first time in two years. I was very excited to go back to a place where I lived for 4 years. I thought of all the friends I would see, the food I would eat. Of course, most of my memories were coloured with anecdotes and things of the past...things that just aren't there anymore. It felt as if I had just left yesterday, that everything was the same, but I didn't feel the same. I realized that there is crap I put up with back then that I just couldn't put up with anymore...Don't get me wrong, I love Korea and Seoul is my second home, but I just came to the conclusion that leaving in 2010 was a good decision. 

First, being treated as a foreigner before being treated as a person really can get on your nerves after a while. When you lived there 4 years, having people repeating "you eat spicy food so well, can you handle chopsticks?, are you an english teacher?" really annoyed me. Second, my dream job is to act and this isn't something I would have been able to achieve in Korea. As much as I would love to be part of a great piece of film in Korea one day, I just know roles for foreigners, especially women, just aren't great...never have I seen a white woman speak fluent korean in a film or tv show and not act as a token foreigner. I guess, in many years, it might happen...that would be so great, but I can always dream haha. I couldn't just stay and wait for it to happen. Also, I just have too much respect for myself to just play something that degrades the image of white women in a country where a lot of people still think negatively of us. So instead of staying in Seoul and be on random tv shows just to entertain people with my "foreign-ness" or become a disgruntle english teacher (I HATE teaching) I thought it is probably better for me to go back...

Going back, I realized that I have made the right choice. I guess I'm lucky to have made the trip and come to this realization. Plus, here in Canada when I say I'm 27 people don't ask me right away why I don't get marry or have kids. 

I still wish to, one day, be able to work a little bit in Korea. Like, go for a few months, work on something, then come back. Seoul is just so alive and the food is good. The people are always willing to serve you and treat you like the best customer (except for taxi drivers...). Some of my very good friends are staying there and have a successful life. I guess we all have different destinies (I don't really believe in destiny lol) but I do not believe that because I went there and didn't make it, that it is a failure. Very often I get these questions "why did you leave? Girls from the tv show are on tv a lot, why don't you do it too?" but answering them would be way too long. The answer "I want to be appreciated for something I do, some piece of art, not just because I was born with blond hair and white skin" is too long and would just be dismissed anyways. 

This post looks more like a diary, but I guess being on an airplane for 13 hours really makes you think. 

Because it's summer - 팥빙수
12 July, 2012

Going back...to understand why I left

I don't post here often enough and my laziness is the only one to blame. I just don't like my layout anymore, would like something darker, more mature...I'm just not good at making layouts anymore. So here's a little update anyways!

Korea
One week ago, I went back to Korea for the first time in two years. I was very excited to go back to a place where I lived for 4 years. I thought of all the friends I would see, the food I would eat. Of course, most of my memories were coloured with anecdotes and things of the past...things that just aren't there anymore. It felt as if I had just left yesterday, that everything was the same, but I didn't feel the same. I realized that there is crap I put up with back then that I just couldn't put up with anymore...Don't get me wrong, I love Korea and Seoul is my second home, but I just came to the conclusion that leaving in 2010 was a good decision. 

First, being treated as a foreigner before being treated as a person really can get on your nerves after a while. When you lived there 4 years, having people repeating "you eat spicy food so well, can you handle chopsticks?, are you an english teacher?" really annoyed me. Second, my dream job is to act and this isn't something I would have been able to achieve in Korea. As much as I would love to be part of a great piece of film in Korea one day, I just know roles for foreigners, especially women, just aren't great...never have I seen a white woman speak fluent korean in a film or tv show and not act as a token foreigner. I guess, in many years, it might happen...that would be so great, but I can always dream haha. I couldn't just stay and wait for it to happen. Also, I just have too much respect for myself to just play something that degrades the image of white women in a country where a lot of people still think negatively of us. So instead of staying in Seoul and be on random tv shows just to entertain people with my "foreign-ness" or become a disgruntle english teacher (I HATE teaching) I thought it is probably better for me to go back...

Going back, I realized that I have made the right choice. I guess I'm lucky to have made the trip and come to this realization. Plus, here in Canada when I say I'm 27 people don't ask me right away why I don't get marry or have kids. 

I still wish to, one day, be able to work a little bit in Korea. Like, go for a few months, work on something, then come back. Seoul is just so alive and the food is good. The people are always willing to serve you and treat you like the best customer (except for taxi drivers...). Some of my very good friends are staying there and have a successful life. I guess we all have different destinies (I don't really believe in destiny lol) but I do not believe that because I went there and didn't make it, that it is a failure. Very often I get these questions "why did you leave? Girls from the tv show are on tv a lot, why don't you do it too?" but answering them would be way too long. The answer "I want to be appreciated for something I do, some piece of art, not just because I was born with blond hair and white skin" is too long and would just be dismissed anyways. 

This post looks more like a diary, but I guess being on an airplane for 13 hours really makes you think. 

Because it's summer - 팥빙수
 

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